Emerald Beams
I bet you’re wondering what a Gemberry tastes like after all this hubbub about it. Well, have you ever had those little fruit snacks with the goo in the middle? Imagine that, but nothing like it. It’s more like a fruit, but sort of like a diamond, with a hint of Sharkleberry Fin and a note of parsley.
I am chagrined to admit I only know what one of those things tastes like.
Diamonds, right? It’s diamonds. Pretty sure you know what diamonds taste like.
Ugh, I tried one of those fruit gusher things a few months ago when my niece shared one with me. It tasted like an Otter Poop.
Which is made by pouring warm Otter Pop juice onto a hot car seat and waiting for it to congeal into a semi-sentient polyhedron, which then forms an exo-skeleton made of red-flavored earwax. The whole process takes about a week, depending on heat and humidity.
Of course, Kraft can’t wait that long, so they use cloned RNA from asteroid-borne space viruses to speed up the process.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big fan of artificial Otter Poops.
It’s all-natural Otter Poops for me, please! Whole Foods probably has them in the Semi-sentient Heated Earwax section.
Oooh, Sharkleberry Fin!
One of the best shark-based beverages ever!
That sounded delicious…right up until the parsley. No thanks!
A dish can never have enough parsley, imho. Just give me a whole plate of that stuff, with a steak as garnish. That’s my desert island meal!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69AyYUJUBTg
Naw man more like
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLJjAgyZG4o
I did that last time. >_>
I’ve tasted Gushers, diamonds, and parsley. I have not tasted Sharkleberry Fin.